Day 1/10

Do I dare count this as day 1?

I've read up on this whole "Master Cleanse" and I thought I'd try it, BUT I had oatmeal for breakfast and I broke down at about 3:30pm and had a grilled cheese sandwich and a couple of bites of Italian Wedding Soup.

The whole idea of this diet is to survive on a version of lemonade consisting of water, freshly squeezed lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper (ONLY) for 10 days. Oh yeah, did I mention that you have to drink one quart of water mixed with one tablespoon of sea salt each morning? It's a "moving" experience, to say the least. Oops, one more detail: don't forget to have a cup of laxative tea each night at bedtime. Needless to say, I'm afraid to fart. It could be disasterous!

I have several reasons for wanting to do this. First of all, and most honestly, I want to lose weight and I'm all for some quick gratification in this area! Secondly, my health is not GrEaT and I have this mysterious lump behind my left ear. I'm still waiting on some bloodwork to come back about it, but I've been taking antibiotics (*just in case)... and I hate <<---- HaTE antibiotics. I think this cleansing could help my body to focus on healing instead of trying to digest all of the crap I've been known to take in. Another reason is because I want to get rid of cravings and shrink my stomach so I take in less food.

I cheated today. Mainly because I ate, but I did the rest of it the right way. I am going to try again tomorrow. I mean, even if I do sneak a bite, I will be cutting WAY back on my calories. I have ZERO willpower because if I did have any, I'd be at risk for becoming anorexic... at least until I lost about 30 lbs.

My biggest problem is that I don't have a support system. Online forums suck. My family members are all skinny so what do they care? And many of them would think I was a complete whack job for attempting something like this. It's very discouraging and I have to dig deep inside to find the strength to do it for myself. Without support, when I think about digging into a bag of chips, the little voice in my head says, "Well hell... why not? Everyone wants you to eat anyway."

I hope I can do it without any food tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. I am close to needing more lemons and maple syrup. I have enough cayenne pepper... (btw... diarrhea + cayenne pepper = burning @$$!!) Thank goodness for baby wipes.

Oh, and for all of you that think this is anorexia, an anorexic wouldn't do it because it requires you to consume 1200 calories a day... in maple syrup. Show me an anorexic that's willing to do that and I'll sell you my ocean front property in Arizona.

Mahala.